Never Never Land

I've been going through this completely restless phase for the last couple of months. It's good because I'm staying active, and I'm happy. But, I am starting to think that I'm leaving people with the wrong impression of me. I know I joke around about being a huge hot mess, and I've proven it on occasion. For the most part I am quite boring. When I'm at home I blog, clean, love on my fur babies or my man, a good portion of my at home time is dedicated to reality TV. I want to say I'm your typical 26 year old woman with no children and a huge desire to never want to grow up. I have "never never land syndrome" if you will. I feel like I've reached the peak of my immaturity lately. But some pranks and jokes are just too perfect to not take advantage of. I don't want to be a lame bitter person who is "grown up". I'm having an awesome time being an adult without major responsibility (without a child). Sunday (Mother's Day) I had at least 3 people tell me happy Mother's Day, I never had a child with me. I didn't mind, I just said thank you because telling every person that I'm not a mom would grown tiresome after a while. I know my bod isn't where I want it to be, but I think people just thought I had a very nurturing look about me, which I find super comical.

Speaking of Mother's Day, I didn't call my mother at all. We do not and have never had a great relationship. We barely call each other for birthdays and I'm ok with that.

Weekends are far too short

I'm so happy about so many things going on in my life right now. I'm not really on a peak or in a valley, just on a plateau and I'm ok with that. I felt like I was being especially hard on myself before the half because I didn't train the way I was supposed to. I was dreading it, hating the thought of doing it, but I always seem to face anything head on even though I'm in the purist form of being terrified. I was doing really well  until the half way point. LOL - a friend told me she had me on gps tracking my updates in case she needed to resuscitate me..

I had a super fun filled weekend with friends that we haven't seen since our wedding. I was so happy about that. I love seeing people!!

Also something else I'm super excited about, is that my WET volunteer application was accepted!!! So, I will be volunteering at Bonaroo this summer!!

love - hate

GAH!!! is all I can possibly sum all of my emotions and frustrations with right now. I was talking to a very dear friend this evening about how I am the most selfish person I know, then the largest bolt of lighting went across the sky (from my hours of watching the O network last weekend, I know this is a sign). I am sooo beyond absolute cognitive belief selfishness it isn't even funny. This doesn't surprise me one bit, but I sometimes try to lighten the mood with my moot issues to my Amigas, so their issues don't seem too significant.... I don't think it works....... But I do give it the "Raina try".

I'm terrified for this run Sunday. I won't do well... I know this to be fact. I've come to peace with it and I want it to be over like yesterday. Because........  Curtis and I are going on a cruise with 2 very dear friends of mine from high school. They are getting married this year and asked us to accompany them on their honeymoon cruise which I am cra cra pumped about (it's not until November though)!!! I just hope after the run I'm able to walk and speak in coherent sentences and be pleasant even though we all know I'll be so super tired and sore. Alas, this is the price I pay, to get back into top notch shape and hold myself accountable for my actions.

Speaking of being accountable, the weight loss challenge is over, we didn't win.... But, that's ok. I'm so proud of all of out efforts, even if that means we weren't winners :D The other teams killed themselves. The top team lost almost 9% of their body weight. WTF!!! I would be almost 16lbs lighter had I lost 10%.  So, I'll stop harassing the opponents. I'm such a shit talker.

Jinx!

I knew it! After posting how things had been going so well. Life (as it usually does) likes to reality check me. My reality check came in the form of my insurance not covering anything I need. So, I'm looking at dropping some serious money that could have all been avoided had, I just stayed on my hubs' insurance vs. my own plan.   Right now my current beef is that it will cost me $1000 for the same birth control I was on for 4 years because I need to have it "re-done". I can not even describe how aggravated I am. WHY?!?!?! Why do I pay for insurance when it doesn't cover anything! This aggravation also falls into why this particular organization will cover boner meds for men but no sort of birth control for women.

I went to a wedding on Saturday for a friend. We've grown apart so much, I still like her. It's just waaay different now, I imagine she'll start growing a part from most of her friends who aren't involved in her church and have the same ideals. Which I'm at piece with, I try not to show my ass about how much I think things have changed. But, my ugly personality about it sometimes I think is mourning the less of how we used to be as friends. I will always have a special place in my heart for her, I just need to remember "you're ok, i'm ok".

On a positive note, PROVOLONE IS BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My once fatty fat cat is now home!!! I say once because he has lost about 5lbs and looks like normal P vs. his name heavy P. I will have him pack those lost lbs on in no time! This makes me SO happy!!! I missed that lazy fatty of a cat.

Too well?

Is there such a thing as everything falling into place perfectly? The pessimist in me seems to think so, but the realist in me thinks "you probably deserve it girl". Last weekend was so busy for me. I went to Fort Wayne to celebrate a bestie's birthday on Friday. I played laser tag for the first time in 10 years, and I have realized I'm terrible at it! I'm terrible at most "sports" anyway, but this one I exceptionally sucked at. The other team knew where I was hiding the whole time and they could probably hear my heels and my excessive gregarious laughter all throughout this tri-level course. But I think she (my bestie) had a good birthday and that's all that matters to me. I saw my brother and GORGEOUS niece which, I feel made my entire trip. We stopped by our cousin's house for yet another bday party. Then came home. I went to my pin up class Sunday afternoon. I love Go Go Amy! She's such a fascinating person. She told me how she started modeling before but then marketed herself as a 40's model who could style herself. That brought in so many gigs for her. She could style herself which saved whoever hired her money. GENIUS! Although, after seeing my photo preview I do not feel like I have a future in such a career, but it was a super fun experience. I had talked a new found friend into going with me and her photos were smoking hot! I know she was a little apprehensive about it, but after she saw her photos I think it reaffirmed she liked the experience a lot.

There are so many things I wanted to do this summer that I don't think I'll be able to, prime example, Bonnaroo.  But it might happen (fingers crossed) Curtis wouldn't be going so it would just be me and whoever I would be annoying that weekend. (My appologies in advance). He'll be going to wedding, alone :( .... Normally I am so supportive for whatever it is that he wants to do. I've done nothing but be there for him over these last 5ish years, I think I'm due for a selfish weekend.

I've noticed my energy level driving down which makes me super sad, I need to keep this momentum going! But I hope to be inspired soon!

Easterish

Happy Easter!!! Today will be dedicated to my Amazon Shopping Cart and volunteering at the homeless shelter, as God had intended. Maybe I am very cynical about religion. Maybe everyone else does have it right. You can do whatever it is you want (be an a-hole) on a regular basis and then go to church. That absolutely annoys me - when I see a-hole behavior in people and then they hide behind their religion to justify. Smh.... Anyway, that is a huge down fall of mine, caring too much about what other people are up to. Most of the time I think things like Facebook are entertaining because of the amount of what's published, and how most people are so emotionally driven. Fascinating! I try to keep a lot of that to myself but that's why I have this blog. It was brought to my attention Friday that I know waaaaaay too much about people just from reading their Facebook pages. A term called "creepin" comes to mind. If there is someone I haven't seen for a while I will "creep" on their facebook just to see how things are going. I'm sure they prefer that to a phone call or a drive by. And people are naturally curious about other people. I've taken the necessary steps to cut down on my facebooking. But it's soooooo difficult. I am certainly a social media addict. I need a 12 step program. I feel that my online shopping carts are going to take the heavy of this transition period.

A potted tulip plant I won as a shower gift for being married for the least amount of time. I went to a bridal shower yesterday. It was really nice, it was the family shower for the girl who I went to her naughty shower. It was super laid back which I appreciated because I was highly involved in some drinks the night before and didn't eat dinner. I didn't blow my diet, but I could have very much made better choices. I was feeling guilty afterwards so I ran the 5k course around my gym and cut 3 minutes off of my pb time. I did register for the half marathon which I already know, will be extremely difficult because I haven't trained like I should have at all for it. 

Next week is going to be so busy for me. Friday, were going to Fort Wayne for my bestie's bday!!! Then I have to leave saturday or sunday so I can be in Grand Rapids by 1 for my pin up shoot with Liz!!!!! I'm pumped, I haven't found what I'm going to wear for it yet and my body isn't where I want it to be yet either. I'm still hoping to be able to see the Fray in Chicago the next Tuesday after (my brother's bday). But hopefully I'll have some funny money by then :D. 

Missing Provolone

There has been a lot going on in my life lately. Most of which was my recovery after vacation. I've been getting back into my crazy routine. But I haven't felt like doing anything at all. No motivation. But I'm getting it back! There is no way I'm going to make it through this half marathon without crying. I can do a solid 5 miles, anything beyond that is terrible. 

I do like blogging so that I can get my thoughts out onto type. My apologies to the 99 people who have viewed this. I primarily use my blog as an accountability tool. So that I can improve in different areas. 

Curtis and I finally took the plunge and purchased kayaks. I'm pumped!!!! I love it. I love water, I love sun. I think there is just something very therapeutic about large bodies of water. Being in them is even better. I think the main selling point for me was the twisty thing under the straps. That is a cooler than can fit 2 normal sized cans of beer or (and I haven't tested this yet but I'm pretty sure) a whole bottle of wine!! There is a cup holder also to the left (which is holding my package of peanuts nicely). A dry compartment in the rear with locks. I've been searching online to find quick dry shirts for the great trip of this summer. And I don't think they make any feminine hiking clothes. I looked exactly like how South Park animates their butch characters. I'm stupid excited to have some libations on the river this year. I can't wait to put stickers on this thing. PUMPED!!! I am in love with this new gadget.

On a sad note, I'm afraid my cat Provolone is gone for good. :( this makes me super sad. He was so cuddly and lazy. He escaped 2 weeks ago and hasn't returned. He's never been gone for that long. No other cats will replace him. Where ever you are I hope you are being well taken care of and I miss you very much.